Bra Off

 What is the first thing you do when you get home that proves you are home for the night?  It is so much a habit.  It is done without thinking.  It is as commonplace as taking off your shoes or hanging up your coat.  But once it is done, come hell or high water, you are not leaving the blissful comfort of home.  It is a mental, if not audible, sigh of relief.

You take off your bra.

The over-the-shoulder boulder holder, brassiere, double-barreled slingshot, tit sling, mid-eval torture chamber, bandeau, knocker locker, booby trap, cleavage commando…

When returning from a formal affair, which is better?  Kicking off your high heels, or prying the hooks from your back?

WHY put it back on?

As pre- Teens, we all chanted the mantra – “We must, we must increase our breast.”  While doing some sort of arm movement that was sure to make them grow. A few years later, the mantra is forgotten while we wrestle them into ill-fitting clothing, squash them into sports supporters, and suffer through wardrobe malfunctions. And for what?  It’s not like my breast brings me any pleasure.

Of course, there is the day when all the chanting has paid off.  Our moms, older sister, cousins, aunts, or grandma takes us to the store and we get our first bra.  It is a right of passage.  One of the first signs that we are no longer little girls.  It seems so wonderfully.  Giddy groups of girls gather to show off the latest additions to the morning routine. 

It was fun at first.  As with all things, reality takes over.  Underwire, front close, back close, lace, crisscross, silk, cotton, supportive, sexy, it doesn’t matter.  They all cost a small fortune, only fit right in the store, and have to be hand washed and/or line dried.  The wire in the underwire will break, stabbing you in the most convent place and leaving one side hanging.  Front closers pop open according to murphy’s law, sexy is fun for someone else but not practical for you, and the list goes on.

Sweet collecting, strap slipping, and cleavage commando invented by a man is the bane of undergarments.  There is hope.  The internet is full of new designs and smart sizing.  Tit holders are designed specifically for you, your body, and your needs.  Some are even designed by women.  But really, why bother?

Why do we wear bras?  Because society has decided that should be the social norm?  So were hammer pants, flapper dresses, and bouffant hair.  Styles seem to change as often as our socks, but the brassiere is still painfully the same.  After all who sees them. 

There is a lot of research saying they are not good for women, there is no need, and might be causing muscle deterioration.  Our girlfriends have long ago stopped giggling. Guys are more excited when it comes off than when it’s on.  And if you are honest, it’s the part of your closet you are least excited about. You don’t show off your new bra at the office or brag about the great deal you got on the latest design.   Somehow tit slings migrated from a right of passage to a taboo subject.

I took my bra off in July of 2018 and with a few exceptions never put it back on. All my bras are now in a box in the back of my closet.   It has been wonderful. No itching, no fishing for shoulder straps, no digging hooks, no back fat bulges, no biting elastic, or pocking things.  Completely fantastic.  Freeing.  How odd that such a simple everyday thing can be so life changing.  So freeing when I never knew how binding it was.  My knocker locker strap is never going to show. The wire is never going to poke me.  That will not be my wardrobe malfunction.

Before you say, “OH I COULD NEVER. IT WOULDN’T BE ALLOWED AT WORK. I’M TOO BIG ON TOP FOR THAT.”  It’s been several years.  NO ONE HAS NOTICED, and I am a C-cup.  That’s right, I work in a bar full of men checking me out and women sizing me up.  No one noticed. And if they had they would have said something.  This is not a shy crowd by any means. Summer, winter, strapless, off-the-shoulder, form-fitting, sweatshirts, don’t matter.  Unless I told you, you would never know.

To be fair there are some drawbacks.  Support is still needed for some workouts, and the sports bra is even more torturous than ever.   Sometimes nipple covers are required to keep them from showing through lighter fabrics. And it does take time to get used to.  The muscles holding them up need to rebuild strength.  They, after all, have not been used in years.

Less money is spent on something only social norms deem necessary.  Less laundry. One less thing holding you back.  So much more freedom and comfort. Our mothers and grandmothers had it right.  Burn the dam things.

Tonight, when you take your bra off, forget to put it back on.