Past not Future

 

“If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing on the present.” 

- Malachy McCourt

When I first heard this quote, I thought it was quite funny.  But it is also incredibly true. How often are we disappointed because we expected the future to be like the past?   How often do we fear or avoid the future because of the past?  The future cannot and will not be the same as the past.  The past happened.  It affected us.  It changed things, our perspective, our decisions.

We get mad, worried, upset, anxious, and paranoid over what may happen.  Then again it might not happen.  We plan for the worst.  But the worst and our fears rarely occur.  

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” – Mark Twain.

Sometimes we are so caught up in what we think are true memories.   But memory is a funny thing.  Our minds remember what we want to be true.  We believe the stories we have told ourselves.  We hang on to the tails of our past so admittedly that we can't see beyond them.  We can’t see a clear future.  In the process, we lose everything that is happening today.  

Living now. Living in this moment is the only moment we can truly live in.  The past is over, it cannot be changed.  It will be altered and forgotten by our minds.  The future is yet to be. There is no way to control it.  We only have the right now.

Predicting the future is not a science for a reason.  Yes, we can hope we know what will happen next based on the past.  But the future is not certain.  Anything will and can happen.  Embrace the possibilities. 

A family member recently visited. It has been a strained relationship at the best of times.  In the past, the thought of this visit cost me great physical and mental pain.  My back would go into psychosomatic spasms.  I would worry and fret and make sure that everything was perfect. Every moment was planned to the minute.  Keep things moving. No time for idle chitchat.  The dread of harsh words, criticism, and backhanded compliments would be overwhelming.  After all, that was a past experience.

This time I said fuck it.   I don't care. My life, my house, my rules.   I am going to do what I want to do this weekend.  If they don’t like the sheets, or dinner, or the weather.  That is on them.  It was one of the best visits I have ever had with this person.   No criticism, no backhanded comments.   The subjects of religion and politics were strongly avoided on all fronts.   Everyone had a good time, and I wasn't in any pain.  

I did not let my past experiences dictate my future ones.   I let go of past disappointments so I would not fear the future and could keep both feet firmly planted in the here and now.   Maybe the next visit will be great.  Maybe it won't.  It doesn't matter. It will happen when it happens the way it happens and there is nothing, I can do to control it.  

All I can do is enjoy today instead of pissing all over it.